Here's What:

So I travel with a group of women that I ADORE, don't get me wrong, but we are a STRONG group of women, and whenever you trap a strong group of women together under one roof, or in one car for multiple hours, STUFF is going to happen! We'll here's what happened THIS time....we ALL started our periods within hours of being together! Timing you say...not likely....it was only time for 2 of us, 2 others just finished, 1 wasn't even close, and 1 of us has not had a period for 4 months! I am now a crabby, acne-ridden member of this estrogen injected tribe...and I am NOT happy about it...but I am in complete awe at the sheer scientific marvel of it all. (if you are a man reading this...I am SOOO sorry...)
XO

Living In The Moment

I took a long walk at dusk this evening, just as the world was starting to still itself. I was by myself, no company, no iPod, just me alone with the bustling contents of my head. It was one of the few rare moments I have allowed myself to be this intimate with my own thoughts over these last few months, as life has fallen into one of its "frenetic" cycles...as it often does.



I had just traveled 9 hours on an airplane, on Christmas day, with an exhausted and crabby 6 year old, a husband in a full leg cast fresh out of ACL replacement surgery...WITH pneumonia, and I was exhausted from days and days and late nights of holiday hoopla, not to mention being knee deep in the emotional drudges of severe PMDD...from which I have weened myself off of all drugs and telling myself "I can handle this"...even though from my bouts of nonsensical crying interspersed with fits of rage, I knew I could NOT.



We arrived at my in-laws in lovely Delrey Beach, Florida... I dumped off my suitcase, changed out of my jeans, double long sleeved shirts, and sweater, and into a pair of shorts and flip-flops and headed out the door. My goal was to take a quick walk around "the compound" (a loving term of endearment I have given to the gated community of mostly retired Jewish "northerners" where my in-laws reside approximately 6 weeks out of the year.) to blow off some steam and pull myself together before having to be a congenial, functioning, pleasant, daughter-in-law.

That is when the epiphany happened. Even though I had just had a less than restful day, and was in the mindset to start a war with anyone who even considered looking at me for more than a half second, I was COMPLETELY at peace. I was calm. I was....happy? Really? Could this be?
Just minutes before, all I wanted was to lock myself in a dark room with the covers firmly drawn over my ears to hide from the world, but it's true, I felt HAPPY.

Being the "thoughtful" kind of person I am (as in "introspective"...not "Hallmark"), I found myself recalling the happiest moments in my life, and there it was....the metaphoric light bulb above my head...the bright light at the end of the tunnel...the clarity...the epiphany! All of these moments in my life where my soul felt connected to the universe, where I felt truly ALIVE, were times when I was living fully and completely in the moment. No distraction of worry...either real or imaginary occurrences from the past, present, or future, no "to-do" list to ponder, no conscientiousness of "self", just BEING. The births of my children, the moment I said "I Do" to my wonderful husband (who puts up with A LOT!) under the chuppah, the time I dove into the crystal clear Mediterranean Sea after drinking wine and sunbathing on the rocky shores of the Cinque Terre, every time I dance....all times when I was/am wholly and completely in the moment. Bliss. Now the big question is....how do I have MORE of these moments?

Unconditional Love

When I was in 6th grade, my mother was dating a man whose mother was morbidly obese. She didn't have a lot of money, and rarely left her home, but was one of the most kind, generous, and loving people I had ever known. I spent a lot of time with her over the course of that year, and when "Grandparent's Day" arrived, I couldn't wait to have her come to school with me as my "Grandmother" so that I could introduce this wonderful woman to all my friends.

Later that day on the playground, I heard some of the kids in my class making fun of her and talking about how FAT she was. Even after spending endless hours with this woman, it was the first time I ever noticed that she was overweight. I had never seen her that way. She was always just sweet Mary to me.

I don't know what made me think of this just now...but the impact that day had on me was great.

My Not So Secret Vice

Sometimes when no one is home I strap on my ballet shoes, turn up the music, and pretend I'm a "real" dancer...and sometimes I do it when they are home...but they love me enough to look away and pretend that mommy is "normal".

Just Doing My Part...With My Parts

This morning I caught an unfortunate glimpse of my backside in the bathroom mirror, something that should NEVER happen before coffee (or cocktail hour for that matter), and it got me wondering....when and how did my arse end up wayyyyyy downnnnnnn there? Shouldn't one's buttocks be firmly placed on the upper half on the lower back and not the upper half of the lower kneecap? I asked myself, "when did this pathetic slide south occur?" And then it hit me...my bum has ALWAYS been there! I was born this way! Of course lack of any consistent exercise regime over the course of my lifetime did not help my cause, but realistically, I have ALWAYS been a "snakeass" (A warm, loving, and endearing term given to me by my "best friend" in collage. Perhaps she was doing me a favor and trying to spare me this very moment of middle-aged disbelief...when there was still time to do something about it...). Anyway, so here's my take on my "situation"...my way of making lemonade out of my "lemons", if you will. I believe I am one of the "chosen ones"...one of those few folks that God created for his own pleasure and comedic relief. I can imagine that He gets kinda bummed out every once in a while, after all, He worked his tail off creating an amazing masterpiece, carefully crossing every "t" and dotting every 'i", only to look down to admire His hard work and find that He had created a bunch of assholes! This could be quite a burden...UNLESS...you have a little pick-me-up, a giggle inducer, a silver lining in your big gray cloud. I believe that that's where I come in. I think when God was creating me, He was bored. Making a bunch of predictably beautiful people day in and day out simply got the best ofHim, so He decided to have a little fun. Rather than His usual way of putting all the parts where they belong, He decided to play His own little celestial version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" or in my case, "Pin the Parts on the Mortal". Now, He is GOD after all, so he did pretty darn well on MOST of my parts. My kidneys are very balanced, My eyes are brilliantly on the front of my face...well spaced, and I have a nicely shaped ear on either side of my head. It's when he came to my arse...that he clearly missed the mark. Upon seeing His unfortunate creation of a fairly attractive being with a low slung ass, he burst into uncontrollable laughter...which lasted 40 days and 40 nights (I just threw that part in to make it sound more "biblical"), and when you have a laugh THAT good, it's hard to let it go...so he didn't. He decided to keep me "as is". Now, whenever He is feeling blue, He can just look down upon my swaggering, low-slung bum, and know that even though the world is full of asses, it doesn't mean it's all bad.

Early Winter Sunset.

Just got home from walking on the beach at sunset...listening to Adele, where I stumbled upon a wedding. I was mesmerized by the beauty of it all. For a few minutes, the world felt still, and fresh, and new. The possibilities endless.

Welcome!

I am starting this blog purely as a way for me to release the sometimes overwhelming stream of thoughts that tend to pile up in my head when all the world is still and quiet. I have always kept a pencil and paper next to my bed for just this reason, but my husband does not take too kindly to the snapping on of lights in the wee hours of the morning while I jot down my random thoughts, dreams, reflections, visions, and what I think of at the time as "pure brilliance" (which does not always translate so well once morning comes...).
This blog may delight, offend, strike a chord, or go unread by anyone but me. I am perfectly happy with 3 out of 4 of those options. If I do happen to offend you in anyway, please accept my deepest apologies. I've just gone to my happy place, and it may not jibe with yours. Most of my rambling may not be "funny", but my secret wish is to someday make you shoot milk out of your nose or pee a little in your pants while reading one of my post...but most of all, it's just for me.
Enjoy!