This morning I caught an unfortunate glimpse of my backside in the bathroom mirror, something that should NEVER happen before coffee (or cocktail hour for that matter), and it got me wondering....when and how did my arse end up wayyyyyy downnnnnnn there? Shouldn't one's buttocks be firmly placed on the upper half on the lower back and not the upper half of the lower kneecap? I asked myself, "when did this pathetic slide south occur?" And then it hit me...my bum has ALWAYS been there! I was born this way! Of course lack of any consistent exercise regime over the course of my lifetime did not help my cause, but realistically, I have ALWAYS been a "snakeass" (A warm, loving, and endearing term given to me by my "best friend" in collage. Perhaps she was doing me a favor and trying to spare me this very moment of middle-aged disbelief...when there was still time to do something about it...). Anyway, so here's my take on my "situation"...my way of making lemonade out of my "lemons", if you will. I believe I am one of the "chosen ones"...one of those few folks that God created for his own pleasure and comedic relief. I can imagine that He gets kinda bummed out every once in a while, after all, He worked his tail off creating an amazing masterpiece, carefully crossing every "t" and dotting every 'i", only to look down to admire His hard work and find that He had created a bunch of assholes! This could be quite a burden...UNLESS...you have a little pick-me-up, a giggle inducer, a silver lining in your big gray cloud. I believe that that's where I come in. I think when God was creating me, He was bored. Making a bunch of predictably beautiful people day in and day out simply got the best ofHim, so He decided to have a little fun. Rather than His usual way of putting all the parts where they belong, He decided to play His own little celestial version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" or in my case, "Pin the Parts on the Mortal". Now, He is GOD after all, so he did pretty darn well on MOST of my parts. My kidneys are very balanced, My eyes are brilliantly on the front of my face...well spaced, and I have a nicely shaped ear on either side of my head. It's when he came to my arse...that he clearly missed the mark. Upon seeing His unfortunate creation of a fairly attractive being with a low slung ass, he burst into uncontrollable laughter...which lasted 40 days and 40 nights (I just threw that part in to make it sound more "biblical"), and when you have a laugh THAT good, it's hard to let it go...so he didn't. He decided to keep me "as is". Now, whenever He is feeling blue, He can just look down upon my swaggering, low-slung bum, and know that even though the world is full of asses, it doesn't mean it's all bad.
